Communication Habits

You might have heard the old saying, “God gave us two ears and one mouth and we need to use them both in proportion.” But often, our biggest obstacles come in how to do that.
Questions arise like, what are good listening habits? And how do we develop them?

Here are a couple of interpersonal communication habits that I really appreciate. You can check them against your own experience.

First, I appreciate having the undivided attention of the person I am speaking to. This may sound obvious, but have you ever been in a conversation with someone when they were constantly interrupting you, finishing your sentences, checking the time while you were speaking, playing with an electronic device or doing a chore? Perhaps you have caught yourself doing the same thing. But what a precious gift it is when someone decides that there is nothing more important to him or her than giving us their undivided attention in the here and now. This is often indicated by attentive eye contact, nodding the head at appropriate times, encouraging gestures and genuine curiosity, which invites us to elaborate on what we are saying.

A second interpersonal communication courtesy that I appreciate is when people are not too hasty to search for something in their own experience, which directly compares to mine. This discourtesy is often recognized by clichés such as, “I know how you feel,” or, “you think that’s bad, listen to this”! I much prefer it when people make every effort that they can to draw out my unique experience. Questions such as: “What was that like for you?” “How did you feel about that?” or, “how would you describe your reactions?” truly honor people.

Our over use of modern communication technology and our hurried life styles create substantial obstacles to quality communication. If we want to reclaim this important skill, we may need to ask ourselves some questions: First, what do I need to decide to do now or later so that I can give someone my undivided attention? Second, am I aware of my own poor communication habits, such as interrupting people, finishing the sentences of others, or being to quick to compare my experience to those of others? Lastly, am I willing to learn new habits in order to demonstrate to others that I want to hear them from the heart?

Willingness to change our communication habits helps to transform our relationships in two important ways. First, we offer tangible demonstrations of honor and respect to the people we are encountering everyday. Second, we begin to cultivate deeper and more nurturing relationships.

How would you assess your interpersonal communication habits? Is there anything you need to change?

- Terry Harris

Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy when he was two years old, Terry Harris in the opinion of many experts within the medical and education professions, would never walk, talk, read, write or go to a regular school. It was recommended to his parents that he beplaced in an institution. In 1995 Terry graduated from Brock University with a B.A. in English Literature and obtained a degree in marriage and family therapy in 1999 from Tyndale Seminary.