Approval Addiction

What comes to mind when you think of obstacles associated with addiction? Many of us think of gambling, drinking, smoking, and drugs, but, what about an addiction to approval? Could seeking the approval of others be addictive?

I was challenged with that question by a book I read recently called, “Approval Addiction: Overcoming the need to please everyone.” Its author well known speaker and teacher Joyce Meyer challenged readers to expand our definition of addiction.

She writes, “An addiction is something we can not live without or something we feel compelled to do in order to relieve pressure, pain or discomfort of any kind.” Meyer is persuasive in suggesting that approval falls into the category of addiction and even the most committed Christians fall victim to people pleasing.

How do we know if we are approval addicts? Meyer says that “when we base our self worth on what we believe others think of us, it produces misery . . . because all it takes is one glance of disapproval to ruin our self worth and we are in bondage.” So how do we handle approval addiction? Meyer offers three challenging pieces of advice that may create some turbulence in our relationships initially, but are worth it in the long run.

First, “stop pretending to be something that your not.” Despite the fact that we can go through life wearing an assortment of elaborate masks, she makes the point that, “God will never help us to be anything other than ourselves.” He will never exempt us from finding our true identity in him.

Secondly, “don’t take on a false sense of responsibility.” If you grew up in a home where you were a rescuer, you need to make sure that today; you are not doing things for others that they should be doing for themselves. Such behavior is not caring. It is controlling and a sure sign that we are seeking the approval of others.

Lastly, we need to be able to confront people without fearing the loss of the relationship. This may require much prayer, a genuine step of faith and the courage to tell someone that though we have made a habit of giving in continually in the past, we now have to change because we have not been honest with our beliefs and opinions for fear of the consequences. Meyer says that though these changes may make people unhappy with us initially, we eventually gain their respect for choosing to become the person God has called us to be.

If the challenge you face is addiction to approval, take the opportunity today to reclaim your life and your God given identity. Your familial, professional and personal relationships are worth the effort.


- Terry Harris

Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy when he was two years old, Terry Harris in the opinion of many experts within the medical and education professions, would never walk, talk, read, write or go to a regular school. It was recommended to his parents that he beplaced in an institution. In 1995 Terry graduated from Brock University with a B.A. in English Literature and obtained a degree in marriage and family therapy in 1999 from Tyndale Seminary.